by Elizabeth Pagel-Hogan and Elizabeth S. Leaver

 

In normal times, it’s typical for parents to worry about their kids’ stress levels as schedules fill up with activities and their backpacks fill up with homework.

These times are, of course, anything but normal, and kids are definitely feeling heightened levels of stress and anxiety in having to re-adjust to classroom rules and routines, re-engage with with friends they may not have seen in awhile, among other worries.

While some stress and anxiety in kids can have positive effects, like helping them learn useful coping techniques, too much can hurt them, contributing to behavioral changes and physical and emotional problems.

Stress can’t be eliminated completely from children’s lives, but parents can play a key role in helping students understand what they can learn from stress and how they can handle it.

Stick to Routines

One of the biggest stressors across the board for all children is an unstable or unpredictable environment at school and at home—and many families have had to deal with that during the pandemic.

“Kids do well when there’s a set routine and predictability,” says Kelly Vaillancourt Strobach, a former school psychologist and current director of government relations at the National Association of School Psychologists. “Keep to a routine or schedule as much as possible. And when schedules have to change, give kids an early heads up that schedules are changing.”

Routines can also help reduce stress resulting from bad habits, like procrastinating on large projects. “Kids need guidance on how to break up subjects when a project or test is coming up,” explains Robin Zorn, school counselor at Mason Elementary in Duluth, Ga., and the American School Counselor Association’s 2014 School Counselor of the Year. “They can’t start a three-week project the night before. If they have a huge research project to complete, they need to learn the steps of finding the books, reading the chapters, writing the rough draft, putting it together, and presenting the finished product so they aren’t panicked trying to do it all the night before it’s due.”

Both during normal and unsettled times, it may help to print out a schedule and go over it as a family. Setting a timer will help kids know when activities are about to begin or end. Having regular reminders will help head off meltdowns when it’s time to transition from one thing to the next.

Jennifer A., a homeschooling parent from Needham, Mass., posts a schedule for every week and encourages her kids to check it often so they know what each day will look like. “I do think when kids know the plan each day they’re more ready for it,” she says.

“[My daughter] refuses to sleep in and roll out of bed and work in sweatpants on virtual days,” says Kersti S., mom of an 8th grader. “She gets up at a reasonable hour, showers, makes her bed, and has breakfast before she signs in. So on home learning days, she still has some school day structure [and] some sort of normalcy.”

Set Screen Limits (the Best You Can)

Kids’ screen use is a catch-22 for many families right now: Their screen time went up last year to facilitate remote learning, but as a result—new screen time habits were formed that are hard to break. The Child Mind Institute offers tips on helping manage screen use during coronavirus, including:

Let them know you get it: Approach the issue from a place of understanding that games and social media are sources of comfort and entertainment.

Brainstorm alternatives: Work with your child to come up with a list of non-screen activities she likes to do.

Keep a schedule: Have set times for non-school screen time, like 30 minutes before dinner.

Many parents cop to having a difficult time managing screen use right now, sometimes resorting to…new measures. Megan R., a mom of three teenagers, says it took a bit of tough love to shake up her teenagers’ routines.

“My husband turned off access to my boys’ computers for Saturday. Their reactions trying to figure out what was happening was rather funny. “Ah, Dad? My computer? I think something happened to it,” she says. “We made them take a screen free day until after dinner.”

Also include yourself in the limit-setting by modeling healthy screen use. Limit consumption of news and social media that has the potential to feed your anxiety and that of your kids, says Child Mind. Other strategies include turning the TV off, muting or unfollowing friends who share panic-inducing posts, and taking a social media hiatus or following accounts that share content that take your mind off your stress (like animals or art).

Work on Other Healthy Habits

Healthy eating and exercise are big parts of managing stress, but they’re harder to achieve when kids are moving around less due to school schedules and homework demands. Factor in stress eating, and it can really bog kids down.

“Kids who aren’t eating right aren’t going to learn as well,” Vaillancourt Strobach says. “This causes more stress because they fall behind in school. This is a chain reaction contributing to other areas that are also stressful.”

One way to curb stress eating to let kids help plan (and maybe even prepare) snacks and meals.

“My kids are teens, but I have only bought food they have to prepare (with minimal effort) to just slow down their snack consumption. Simple things with simple recipes that they have to think about before shoving in their mouths,” says Jennifer C., a mom of three.

HelpGuide.org lists other simple ways to get more nutrition into kids, including:

Coming up with some quick and easy breakfast ideas, like fruit smoothies and morning burritos.

Getting their buy-in. “Sometimes it’s just finding the way they prefer to eat such as crunchy vs. cooked veggies,” says Jamie F., who has three kids. “We talk a lot about macronutrients and balance, so making sure we get enough protein/fiber/vitamins and minerals… I don’t really ban anything, but I make sure snack options are as healthy as I can [make them].”

Modeling moderation. It’s called stress eating for a reason, but to the extent possible, letting your kids see you make mindful choices can inspire them to do the same.

As well, make sure children are drinking plenty of water; staying hydrated has been proved to reduce feelings of stress. The recommended water intake varies by age and gender, but school-age children should drink at least 5 cups a day.

You might have to be more deliberate in ways to include more physical activity. Nowadays many families have built into their routines safe activities like taking walks together, playing games in their yard or a local park, or making up some activities to do together right at home.

“We have been trying to get outside as much as we can, in almost all weather. My 7-year-old has really been enjoying going for “night walks.” We go out with headlamps and flashlights at 6 or 7 p.m.—he loves it!” says Holly R, mom of two boys.

When Stress Is Too Much

A child who shows significant behavioral changes, especially in sleeping or eating habits, may be experiencing too much stress. “If your good eater changes to eating nothing or your light eater is suddenly eating all of the time, you need to have a conversation,” Vaillancourt Strobach says.

Other warning signs include a child resuming behavior he had outgrown or showing separation anxiety or clinginess.

If you’re finding these signs, talk to your child’s doctor. He can suggest other strategies for managing stress and might even recommend a therapist. School psychologists and counselors can also be a great asset to parents as they try to help a stressed child find healthy ways to manage her feelings.

5 Stress-Busters

1. Take a walk. Physical activity releases chemicals in the brain that help people feel better. Great conversations can happen when it’s you and your kids walking together.

2. Sit down and share a healthy meal together with no distractions. Turn off the television and cell phones. Talk about the day’s events and feelings without judgment.

3. Arts and crafts projects are a great way to relieve stress. Try coloring, using modeling compound or clay, painting, or knitting.

4. Listen to music or watch a family show together.

5. Take a brain break and try deep breathing, stretching, or yoga.